run \ˈrən\ (verb)

i've been thinking since thursday, since i went on the best run of my life, of how to describe it, to bring it to life by wrapping it in words. i haven't figured out how yet, so part of this will be an attempt.

i've just recently decided i like to run. actually, i decided when summer came and i started living at home that i wanted to run because it has this funny way of clearing out my mind and giving me focus. i wouldn't call myself a runner. i wouldn't even say i'm good at running. i just run, become clear, and learn how to focus.

this run, this best run, happened with jodi on a study break. the rain was pouring sideways out of the sky, but it only made sense to run, somehow. after suiting up, we jumped off the front porch into the wetness. within a few minutes my hair was soaked through and my shorts were clinging a little to my legs, but she said i can't run so then we just prayed and pushed our legs forward.

becoming empty
in the rain -- crying out to
Him who made it come.

but by saying it was the best run, i just can't really tell you the truth about the time and how God blessed it.
i am running still and more. hopefully this summer has some rain in the evenings, just enough for me to run.
__________

i am learning what good means. it is beautifully different than what i would have told you a year ago.
i cannot define God, cannot box him in, cannot say who he is or what he does.
only God can say. and he says what is good.

anything that God brings about for his glory.
in his will.
to make his beloved into more of who he created them to be.

he is the author and perfector.
let us fix our eyes on him.

Out of the depths of ruin untold
Into the peace of thy sheltering fold
Ever thy glorious face to behold

Jesus, I Come To Thee.

Team Poems

Deep Calls Out to Deep
Psalm 42

Purple Clouds
pour themselves out
dousing the sky
glowing orange below.
Through the barren trees
the mist hangs
as the void between branches
creates a snapshot
of a part of the whole.
The clouds stretch down
grabbing for the green
grass green, beckoning
spring in, calling in beauty.

once jess, alison and i got to ride home from lebanon together. the drive to and from lebanon is so beautiful, a poem waiting to be written.
this night we wrapped some words around the pictures in our heads. together.

i'm just remembering the beauty of that night. spring, come back.

something about the ocean...

lots of things are different and good in my life. some are the same.
i really love lebanon. period.
i'm excited for what the Lord is doing there and that, by his mercy, i am even allowed to see and be a part of what is going on.
i am nineteen years old now. i don't know if that's supposed to look/feel any different than eighteen. hopefully i'll figure that out with more than one day under my belt.

we went sledding on friday at pfeffer park. so great. riding in the front of the sled snow assaults your face, freezing your eyelashes and eyebrows for a second before melting or being brushed aside. i have missed sledding and playing in the snow. i'll remember that for next year.

and i'm going to cayo costa in a week. with some of my best friends. i cannot wait. sand and sun and ocean and the Lord and friends. sounds like the best week of my life [after young life camp?] =)

oh, hello there.

LEBANON!!

tomorrow my life begins to look differently

i can't recall how many times i was asked today are you excited?
or reminded that today is the last day i'm not a young life leader.
or anything along those lines.

it's sort of funny.
i don't know how i would forget.
i'm pretty pumped, in case you haven't yet asked me. ;)

i just talked with shan for a while about capernaum versus high school versus wyld life.
God receives all the glory and is in charge. whatever happens is GOOD.
i only must continue to remind myself of this. a lot.
going to any place, or even not getting placed (though i am, unless that is a big surprise for tomorrow!) if God calls me there, it will be good and for his glory.
and he will teach me. sometimes or maybe even always in hard ways. but he will teach me. i will see more of him and he will be glorified.

lots of truth.
i'm gonna read for a while.
and then spend some time lifting placement up with my friends.

apples to apples

sometimes my family (plus brian knapp) plays apples to apples. sometimes i win.
sometimes i can manipulate my brother to write poetry to win.
like when his card was haiku, so i made him write a haiku to win.

here it is:

you are my sister
you are freaking awesome
pick mine, it's haiku.

somehow, i think i may be followed by a greater poet than myself.

a really good day

it's been a really great day.

i went to the dentist. he said to keep up the good work. even though i don't work that hard on my teeth.
then ma and i went shopping. i got my ear pierced, ate chipotle, bought a new bible and a warm pair of boots for school.
then we went to the nephrologist. for the last time. it's just crazy how i've been healed. and i'm so thankful that God brought me here. i'm so thankful for the disease, and even more thankful to be healthy. i don't think i would appreciate health at all if there weren't ever a time when i was not healthy. i mean, i could have someone elses' kidneys inside me right now, but God didn't want me there [something i'm glad for now, but would have been thankful to have functional kidneys].
anyway,
dr. patterson is one of my favorite people ever. he really has always cared about everything that's going on in my life. today he asked what i did over new years, and actually listened with his eyes and cared. and he was checking up on my gpa and making sure i'm a good kid [sorta funny, yeah]. he came into the exam room and wrote down my blood pressure and looked at all the results from the last appointment and then he said well, it's been a long journey. yep. december 2001 was the first biopsy and then another one in march 2004. and i just don't know what i can do for you anymore. i'd like to keep you as a patient, but you don't need us anymore. and i've never had a patient clear up so well; i don't really know what else we could ever do for you. so i've gotta talk to the team, but let's just say we're signing off on your case.
i just know that i see so much more of God's mercy because of this. and how he is redeeming and restoring everything to himself.
and i got to have coffee with aaron hibbard tonight. he's really great and growing older. a senior at lee. and just encouraging. it was so good to spend some time with him tonight. God definitely encouraged both of us. it was good.
Jesus is beautiful.